What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 01:36
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Ive learnt so much.
Is it painful for men to wear bras, panties, and tampons?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Atheists who have read the Bible and think that contains immoral things, why do you assume that?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why do wives cheat on their loyal husbands?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Why can't white people just surrender their white privilege?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Why did we evolve to have so many nerve endings in our anuses?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And i lived it daily.
Why do people stay in cults after they have joined?
I said to her
She found it foreign!.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I will be 64.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was very sick at this time too.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Comes on , in middle age.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But ive been too sick for many years..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was scared of men, in general
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I never cut or harmed myself..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Put me off passion for life!!
But, we were locked up after school.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I was seconnd youngest,
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
(And it was in our own minds.)
She wouldn,t have been !
I was 9 years of age.
She loved him until the end.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My life is so biszare .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Would this be the day?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I write beautiful poetry .
Im still living with it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He resisted the act ,that day.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
It was going to be , some day.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I think the readers, may guess!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I don,t even have a pension.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My family never makes their pension either.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
What did i know ?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We were not on the streets..
He knew the spot.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I could never make a relationship work though!
All the time i was locked up.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She married twice! .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
One cannot live in the past .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Was to survive, this bastard.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I have no regrets .
We all went to grammer schools
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
This is soul school!.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So whats the point in blame.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Why did i forgive my father ?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She was in good health!
Who then, do I blame.?
So, i spoilt her more .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
When she asked me how she looked .
Especially a lifetime of it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I waited trembling.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But it wasn’t much.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..